Broken But Beautiful

When I was in Georgia I remember swinging on the swing set outside a lot. It was one of the few places I’ve experienced anywhere, where I felt complete peace. I had a lot of time to reflect on all things both good and bad in my life and all my feelings that felt like they were bottled up for a long time. I learned that writing things is a really good thing for me. Here is something I wrote that I believe was needing to get out for a long time:

Sometimes it’s easier to run from the truth of our emotions. And the truth that I’ve seemed to have wanted to run from is this: I. Feel. Lost. It’s simple really. I have no idea where I’m going, what I should do, why I should stop or start. I feel like an old house, once each room had purpose and meaning and now it’s empty. I feel broken, I feel in deep pain, like I’m a well about to overflow at any moment. I feel angry, about to blow. I feel all these things deeply. And yet, as the wind blows through my hair, tears watering my cheeks, and the sun makes the pines glow green within the shade of branches, I feel peace. Through the chaos of my struggles over the past year, this place has graced me with overwhelming peace. The nature, the people, the time to reflect and recharge, it’s all a precious gift the Lord has blessed me with. I know that I was meant to go through the pain of life and loss, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be sitting here now on this swing set, looking up at the Smokey Mountains of Georgia, and visiting this beautifully giving family. I still feel lost, I still feel in pain, but through those feelings I believe something beautiful and worthwhile will grow. Only the pottery with cracks and brokenness can be fixed with gold, right now I am a broken piece ready to be healed with gold. And I believe that process starts here in the South of the Smokey Mountains.

Now that I've had time to reflect on my trip and on the things I've written, I am still that broken piece of pottery. I still feel lost and angry but I feel good, and I feel hope. Healing is all around. In friends, in family, and in nature. Healing comes in waves of love from things divine, and a realization that if I want to reach for something I have the power to do it. I can stand up for the things that I want, and I will fight for it. Life is too short to sit and wait, but life is also too short to ignore the things we learn in the times of waiting. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been hurt, I mourned for a while, and now I'm ready to move onto something greater than I could ever imagine. All I have to do is have the faith to step out into the unknown. And one of the many things I will take with me as a wonderful reminder this something that is a universal message: all of the broken flaws are beautiful, and they are ok. When we are cracked, that is how the light can get through into the darkest parts of our souls. Now, deep breath, take a step, and go out into world.