Standing At The Waterfront

Today I sat looking at my computer screen for what felt like forever, trying to figure out what to write. Writer's block comes to every writer now and then. But within that moment I could feel the sparks trying to light something within my imagination. And then suddenly, aha, the spark ignited! All that to say, trying to figure out what to write reminded me of the parallels of starting off this new calendar year. And it triggered thoughts I've had for a while about what makes this time of year so stressful for some yet joyful for others. What is it about seeing a new year on documents, journals, devices, etc that gives us those emotions?

We all want to leave a mark on humanity. To do something truly amazing. Set aside your cynicism and doubt and really think about the things you want to do. I can name many things within my heart that I desire to do. See the world, fall in love, dive into the deep meanings of life just to name a few. Every human has a different desire or meaning that they want to discover. Most want to begin something amazing at the beginning of the new year to start it off "right". But sometimes that doesn't happen for some. Sometimes like in writing, you have to look at what you've written in the heat of the moment, and even though you wanted it to work, it doesn't. So you edit. You rearrange words around and understand when and where you need to take your thoughts learning that it is ok to restart, reset, and begin at wherever you need to. And that is a perfect parallel to this new year. 2018 means the start of an adventure. It means the end of a long journey. Like veins in a body, the paths of life lead into different areas. It means bringing things into your life that will nourish you in all the ways you need. It means removing things that have become toxic and seeped into your pores like burning liquid tar. I've had to do this very thing in my life over the past several months. I ended the long journey of 2017. I have ended it through pain, loss, and joy. I've brought things and people into my life that have nourished my soul and cut out the toxic that was killing me.

I now stand at the waterfront of the new year. I look out at the vast open water with hope and positivity that whatever is out there, it is good. Not a sink or swim situation but sink AND swim through waves that will teach something good in the end. Maybe my mark on humanity isn't going to be a truly amazing mark, but I believe that 2018 is going to lead me somewhere amazing. And like my writing process today, it will be full of excitement, confusion, frustration, long pauses of doubt, and a concluding peace. I cannot wait to learn along the path of 2018 and see what things will unfold. I might not have written something incredibly profound and poetic today, yet I know that this is where my heart was today and that is enough. The year ahead might not be amazing if looking at it through someone else's perception, however through mine I know it will be amazing because it will mean that I'm alive and moving forward onto the water. And to end again with this song I quoted in a previous post: Dive in with your eyes closed for the life you were born to claim. And the water will be paralyzed by the courage you contain. - Sleeping At Last, "Watermark"